Complaint Department, Take a Number
by Mint Pizza Queen
Summary: Naruto finds that the best person to complain to is the one he's complaining about. ONESHOT. [COMPLETED]


**Author's Note:** It's four-thirty in the morning. I was at college for over nine hours. I got two hours of sleep the night before. Beware, story ahead was wrote in the "Lack of sleep!" mode. Randomness ensues.

**Warnings/Notes:** OOCness, randomness, ass shaking peacocks.

Naruto (C) Masashi Kishimoto

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**Complaint Department, Take a Number**  
_by Mint Pizza Queen_

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"You know, you're a bastard." 

Sasuke remained passive at the remark and merely shrugged at the blond boy.

Naruto felt his blood start to boil in his veins and hissed, eyes narrowing into thin slits as he jabbed a finger at the Uchiha. "Yeah! A real bastard! The biggest of them all!"

Again, the other boy merely shrugged, closing his eyes as if he were preparing to take a nap.

"Don't you ignore me!" Naruto grabbed the closest shoulder and shook the body several times to regain his attention, and received a glare that told of many painful punishments and torturous advancements upon his own person that were sure to come in about two seconds if he didn't move his hands thank you very much. "When someone is talking to you, you listen! Don't ignore them!"

Sasuke's scowl disappeared in the blink of an eye and was replaced with a sleepy expression. He boldly let out a yawn, then stretched out in cat-like flexes just before he flopped lazily on the grass.

Naruto fumed, face reddening with anger. "Asshole! Don't you **dare **take a nap! Hey! HEY!" He stomped his foot and began to rant, gritting his teeth, clenching his fists, and just plain throwing a temper tantrum.

The Uchiha laid on the grass and merely soaked up a few rays.

"You know, I don't see what Sakura sees in you!"

Sasuke mentally groaned. Here we go again.

"You're a total dick! I mean, come on! You're mean to her, you pick on everybody, your hair looks like the ass of a chicken, and you act like you have an icicle up your bum! What's so great about that!?"

The Uchiha peeped out of one open eye. "Wait, what does my hair have to do with anything in this conversation?"

"It's ugly, that's what!" Naruto hissed, a metaphorical forked tongue lashing out. "Some days I just want to pour some oil all over it and set it on fire. Seeing that head makes me think that maybe your problem is you have so many eggs stuffed up your ass and you can't lay them, so that's why you're bitchy!" He snapped his fingers. "That's it! It explains so much."

"...wait, you're saying I'm bitchy because my hair resembles a chicken and I lay eggs, but can't really lay them?"

"Yup!"

"...what the hell did you put in your ramen this morning?"

"Glad you asked!" The boy grinned down, anger instantly dissolving. "I had lots of the little pieces of shrimp and --"

"Shut up, I was being sarcastic."

So much for the instantaneous dissolving of anger. The blond twitched rapidly before he began to call the other boy every name he could think of--including some that weren't even words at all.

Sasuke--he merely continued to soak up a few rays.

"Yeah, there's nothing great about you. You think you're soooo cool. Strutting around like some sort of peacock--yeah, strut around, shaking that ass, waving them feathers." Naruto began to imitate said bird and even included the little ass shake. "You think you run the whole show, but you're wrong! You don't! You don't own anything! Especially the whole show."

"Thanks, now not only is my hair a chicken, but I'm a bird."

"Well, think of it this way, you've been upgraded. From a bitchy chicken to an ass shaking peacock."

"I'm thrilled."

"You should be!" The blond pointed, finger quivering. "I could've made you a slug!"

"...whatever." Sasuke rolled so his back was to the boy, letting him know that the conversation was ending right here and right now, thank you.

Naruto took the hint and let out a breath before dropping onto the grass beside him. "Wow, that's--a load let off my chest."

The boy beside him waved a hand lazily. "Egh."

"I didn't think that you'd actually offer to listen to me," Naruto bit the tip of his finger. "It was--interesting?"

"Hn. It was interesting, wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah."

"But still--peacocks? Chickens? Enough with the bird talk."

"All right."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...your hair still looks like the ass end of a chicken though."

**-The End-**


End file.
